托福作文实力点评

托福作文实力点评
今天来看看一位同学的托福作文，基础不够牢固，思路不够开阔，但是论点清晰充足，最终能拿到20分，还有很大改进空间的，多练习，多看些优秀的案例。
托福作文实力点评
作文题目:
Independent Writing TPO 34:
Do you agree or disagree with the disagree with the following statement?
Educating children is a more difficult task today than it in the past because they spend so much time on cell phone, online games, and social networking Web site.
Use specific reasons and exemples to support your answer.
作文内容：
Recent years, with the development of technology, more and more high-tech products come into people’s eyes. Those products are designed with various functions, which make our live much more convenient and colorful. For example, people can use cell phone and social networking website to communicate anywhere with any people. And interesting online games give people much pleasure in their spare time. However, in my point of view, those products make educating children these days a more difficult task than in the past.
First of all, those new products make teaching professional knowledges more difficult. Because through the website, the youth are able to aquire abundant professional knowledges. They don’t merely study the limited knowledges in the textbook. Therefore, if a teacher still focuses on teaching things in the textbook, the students will be tired of his class and don’t want to listen to him anymore. Thus teachers have to know more and prepare their lessons sufficiently /properlyharder. For example, I major in accouting in the college. As we know, there are always some changes in accouting standards and some news in accouting industry. Through the website, students can know those information as soon as possible. Therefore, if teachers still teach the old things in the textbook, the students will soon find somethingthemwrong. In that way, educating today has really become more difficult.
Secondly, it has become a tough task for school teachers today to regulate students’ behaviors. Due to the presence of social networking website, the youth are able to get in touch with different people, even people they don’t know. In that way, they have easy access to a variety of ideas, some of which may lead them to a wrong way. For teachers, it is not easy to change the sudents who are greatly influenced by ideas on the website. For instance, recently more adnand more news report(that) teenagers commitinga crime under the guidance of people they met on the website. Those people always talk to the young people through website on purpose and control the mind of the innocent teenagers. By being “friend” with the teenagers, they can easily make the teeangers tocommit a crime for money. What’s more, spending time on the online games also make the teenagers affected by some violent opinions. Obviously, it is a really difficult task for teachers to teach such students right things and regulatechange those students.
Finally, the new products these days make it more difficult for teachers to answer students’ questions. As we know, through the website, we can easily get all kinds of informationknowledges and new ideas. And the youth today may knowknormuch more than the youth used to do. Thus they sometimes come up with some pretty strange questions the teacher has never thought about before. Unless the teachers make effort to looklookingfor the answers after class,they can not answer the students. Take the professors in my college foras anexample[b1] , they tend to prepare more than before in order to answer the students. However, they sometimes may let the students wait for some days before answering them and they have search the internet to find the right answer. As a result, we find that educating students now is more difficult.
Above all, educating children today is really a more difficult task because of childrens’ spending much time on cell phone,online games and social networking website. That’s because sudents today tend to study more knowledge outside school, tend to be influenced more by ideas not so good on teh website and ask more questions than the students in the past. So I also think that teachers now are requiredtoof improved teaching skills and moreopen theirmind in order to adapt to the more difficult education industry.
[b1]拿……举例 take ……for example
各项详细点评：
托福作文实力点评
针对问题最大的一点给出修改建议：
最大的问题两点：一是思路不够开阔，二是语言不够精炼。
给出解决方案：
思路不够开阔，可以多看历年的真题或机经，总结答题的点，学习如何进行思路的展开；语言不够简练，主要还是基础没打牢哦，要从基础词汇语法开始，扎实巩固一翻了。
附批改原图：
托福作文实力点评
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